The coelocanth-like discovery shocking America

In what is already being called ‘the discovery of the century,’ white experts have been shocked to discover living examples of Racism in the USA.

“It’s astonishing to have actual proof that Racism still exists,” said one commentator. “Unless I saw it with my own eyes I wouldn’t have believed it.”

Once widespread across the world, Racism was long believed to have finally become extinct in the USA, its last refuge, some time in the late 1960s. Some experts however have claimed it may have survived as late as 2008, when it was wiped out by what scientists call “the Obama event.” “Racism is widely held to have disappeared ages ago, and yet here we have actual, undeniable proof of its continued existence,” continued the commentator. “This forces us to reconsider our views about cultural evolution, and how we came to be where we are today.”

There have been numerous reported sightings of Racism in the years since then, with particularly notable cases occurring in Britain and France in early 2016. However, experts put most of these sightings down to misidentification of Legitimate Concerns, or a result of what is technically known as a “System That Clearly Isn’t Working For Everyone.”

Proponents of Racism’s continued existence have frequently pointed out that Racism has always been held to exist by many people of colour, with sightings ranging throughout history to the present day. However, expert A. Whiteman urged caution, saying that, “while it is of course important to consider ‘ethno-knowledge’ in evaluating reports such as these, this discovery does not mean that every Legitimate Concern is actually Racism. In fact, I suspect the majority of reported sightings will actually be Legitimate Concerns. It’s hard to evaluate reports of Racism when different communities have such different definitions of ideas like ‘truth’, ‘reality’ and ‘violence.’ Unless examples of Racism can be clearly, empirically demonstrated – that is, unless people like me can see it – I don’t think we can say it exists.”

The discovery of Racism raises the possibility that other forms of Structural Prejudice, such as Homophobia or Sexism, may also yet be extant. However, Prejudician Dr. Mann-Splayner said this was unlikely: “Due to the Law of Men Acting Like Men, phenomena such as Sexism simply can’t be distinguished from the natural world. I can’t even imagine what conditions would have to be met for me to accept that Sexism genuinely exists.”

 

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